GoodBye My Lover
by Shaz1
Summary: Sometimes a lover is more than just that, which makes it even harder to say goodbye.


Goodbye My Lover

By Shaz1

Rating: PG

None of the characters mentioned belong to me, and will be returned shortly, well some of them anyway

The song used also doesn't belong to me, it is the property of the magnificent James Blunt

Goodbye My Lover

Jack sat bonelessly down onto his bed in his cabin. Why was he such a fool? Why did he never learn? Even when true love hit him smack in the heart, he still blew it like the idiot that he was. He had broken her heart, he had lost her. Worse still was that he knew she would never forgive him., because now she couldn't.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown_

He knew what he had done; he could still see the hurt written across her face every time he closed his eyes. He knew that part of the problem was that he had never believed that the relationship would last, he considered it to be another bit of fun, that is until his heart started telling him otherwise. Even when he knew that he loved her he still didn't think that she would feel the same.

_Cos I saw the end_

_Before we had begun_.

It had all started a year ago, when he had started to look at her differently, he saw more than just a member of the crew, he saw a woman. A woman that he would very much like to know on an even more personal level. Once he started to look at her like that, he noticed that she seemed to be observing him in a similar fashion; this definitely gave him pause for thought. After a short while she actually began to flirt with him, which caught him slightly off guard. When they had first met she had treated his with distain, it was only when they began to know each other that she had warmed to him a little, although never to the extent that she was at that point.

_Yes I saw you were blind_

And I knew I had won 

He remembered the feeling of satisfaction when she finally made the move that he had been waiting for. It had been a stereotypical starry night out at sea, he had made some comment to her, and since he had been in an unusually complimentary mood, she had fallen for his charm. He smiled wistfully as he remembered the way that the soft moonlight had bounced off her dark skin. The look of longing in her eye as she looked at her Captain. He rubbed his hands over his tired face as he remembered the first night that they had shared together. Making love on the deck of the Pearl as she rocked gently in the summer waves.

_So I took what's mine_

My eternal right 

He sighed as he recalled the magic of that night, recalled how their souls combined and their hearts screamed with the love that they felt for each other as they expressed it with their bodies. When they had finished they laid together side-by-side and stared up into the clear moonlit sky. After a while Jack had got to his feet and left to go to his cabin, he had always regretted leaving her laid like that without so much of a word. He had never got the chance to explain that he was so overwhelmed by his love and desire for her that he couldn't stay for fear that he may actually shed a tear.

_Took your soul_

And left into the night 

He cringed as he recalled the night in Tortuga, it had meant nothing honestly. After a year with just the one woman, he had succumbed to temptation, he had been stupid. He had been even more stupid to do it right in front of her, with Scarlet of all people. He blinked back the tears that came to his eyes as he recalled the heated exchange that they had had when she had found him laid in another woman's bed. He had felt his own heart shatter as he watched hers crumble before him. It was at that moment that he realised how much he truly did love her. It was at this moment that she declared an end to their love.

_It may be over_

But it won't stop there 

It took a few weeks, but gradually they managed to start talking again, yet she was cold towards him and he couldn't find it in his heart to blame her, he knew who was at fault and he knew where the blame laid. He tried to talk to here to explain that he was sorry, but she brushed him off over and over again. He could feel his own heart breaking every time she told him she wasn't interested.

_I am here for you_

_If you'd only care_

He couldn't believe how much his life had changed whilst he had been with her. His whole outlook on life had altered to include her and her love in it. His life would always be on the Pearl yet somehow she brought more than even that to him. She had shown him what love truly was and how it opened up you eyes to more than what you saw, but to include what you felt as well. He blinked back the tears as he realised once more that he would never be able to show her how strongly he felt for her.

_You touched my heart_

_You touched my soul_

_Changed my life_

_And all my goals_

He didn't even realise at the time how he was changing, for it snuck up on him, like he did to merchant ships. He didn't see the envious glances that were shot their way, as their love was clear for all to see. Jack never even knew himself, yet she could read him like a book and she obviously knew exactly how to capture his heart, and never return it.

_Love is blind_

_But that I knew _

_My heart was blinded by you_

Jack frantically wiped the tears from his red swollen eyes, and leant against the helm, his mind not on the journey ahead, as he allowed the Pearl to slowly drift, bobbing in the gentle Caribbean waves. He thought back to less than six months ago when he and Ana were happy. All she had to do was look at him and he was drowned in her dark eyes, the long lashes accentuating her beauty as her eyes looked straight into his soul. He could still feel her soft lips against his as the two cuddled together in the cabin that she had to herself. The two would talk for hours, about nothing and everything, where they were going and where they had been. It didn't matter. All he knew was that he would only be half a man without her.

_I kissed your lips and held your hand_

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed_

_I knew you well and knew your spell_

_I've been addicted to you_

And now that was exactly what he was, half a man. She was gone. His bet friend, his lover and his crewmate. Gone. Gone forever. Never to return.

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend_

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me_

He blinked back the hot burning of his tears as they spilt down his tanned cheeks. He couldn't believe that she was truly gone forever. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her with the blood spilling from her mouth. The worst thing was her eyes. When she had looked at him before her eyes had always danced, full of life and spirit, as if she could tell exactly what she was thinking, yet that night they were pain filled and full of fear and then finally dull and lifeless as they stared at the pirate captain.

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend_

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me_

He sighed as he thought of how badly life can twist you just as you think it is going so well. In his mind he was still with Ana entwined in love and affection for each other, yet in his mind he knew she was gone part of him refused to accept it and in his dreams she continued to hold him, it was when he woke up that he realised that that was exactly what it was- a dream.

_I am a dreamer_

_And when I wake_

_You can't break my spirit_

_It's my dreams you take_

The fact that she was gone was bad enough, but she went knowing he had betrayed her in the worst way possible. She knew that he had laid in the arms of another woman, and shown little remorse for it. He hated to think that that was how she thought of him as she went. He would always remember her as being full of life and fire, a woman not to be crossed yet also a woman that was human and could be hurt just the same as anybody else. He just wished that he could turn back time and go back to how they were before he had let them down.

_And as you move on_

_Remember me_

_Remember us and all we used to be_

He smiled wistfully as he thought of the happiness that he had shared with his beloved, but the smile quickly faded as his mind swept back to the look of anger and hurt on her face when she had caught him in his betrayal. He had no doubt at all in his mind that the image would stay with him for the rest of his life. Ha the rest of his life? What was the rest of the life without her? He had been more than just prepared to spend the rest of his life with her; he had looked forward to it in fact. He once more wiped his eyes as thoughts of the one person he had tried to suppress once more bubbled to the surface. Ana had only told his about their child a few hours before she had left their world. The unborn child had only been a part of his life for a matter of hours, yet still he mourned its death.

_I have seen you cry and seen you smile_

_I've watched you sleeping for a while_

_I'd be the father of your child_

_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

He could barely stand to draw the next breath as he thought about the son or daughter that would now never see the light of day. To think that his beloved Ana had said that she was willing to forgive his betrayal for the sake of their child. He sighed, that one sentence had shown what a special person she was- she had been willing to forgive his indiscretion so that they could be a family, even though he had broken her heart and her trust. He had known throughout their relationship that she had been very hesitant to trust him, for she knew that it was hard for him to remain faithful, he would always hate himself for proving her right.

_I know your fears and you know mine_

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine._

_And I love you, I swear that's true_

_I cannot live without you_

He had lost his lover, the mother of his child.

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend_

You have been the one, you have been the one for me 

He had lost his best friend and his first mate.

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend_

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me_

At night as he laid down he still saw her laid beside him, the slow candle light causing her dark skin to glow in the soft light or the intimate cabin. He could still feel the warmth of her skin as he held her hand entombed between both of his. He didn't think that he could ever move on from this depth of despair. He would never move on from feeling her warmth, and then her coldness in death. He knew that these feelings would never go away until he laid beside her in death.

_And I still hold your hand, in mine_

_In mine when I'm asleep_

_And I will heal my soul in time_

When I'm kneeling at your feet 

Was she really gone, or was it a trick of the gods?

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend_

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me_

Would she truly never brighten his day with a rare smile, or a tender caress as the sun bounced off her smooth hair? He sighed, he had never felt so alone before.

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend_

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me_

He had never felt more isolated, he was empty in side. He reached for the bottle of rum next to him at his feet, and took a good size draught of the fiery liquid, and allowed it to numb his mind, even if it couldn't numb the pain of his broken heart.

_I'm so hollow_

_I'm so hollow_

The End

Sorry if this is a load of rubbish and sorry if I have depressed you to the point of suicide! Please review!


End file.
